Being Enough

I admit here, out loud, today, to you, that I have a very deep daily struggle with being and doing enough. My hunch is some of you do as well.

I’m sharing this personal story with you because when I worked as a development director and executive director that feeling of a “lack of enoughness” wreaked havoc with the way I felt about my staff, myself, and, of course, our board.

How my lack of feeling enough shows up for me now:

• I say yes to more than my schedule can adequately allow
• I work and work and work on a project to make sure it’s “just so”
• To get it all done, I often work late into the evening after an incredibly full day of conducting meetings or multiple training sessions

It was the voice of wisdom from my 13 year-old niece, Kaitlin, on Christmas Day, that jolted me into deciding to change my personal story this year. The story I’m choosing and the journey ahead: Being enough.

Christmas Day with my nieces and nephews: Natalie, Cameron, Kaitlin (circled) & Sam Jacobwith, Grace Leland, Lauren Jacobwith, Stuart Leland, and me. Click to enlarge.

My family was playing Charades. We had two teams. There was plenty of laughter and nerves at the attempts to not look too stupid. Partway through the game our best player and two other team members had to leave. It was my turn to act out the word and I saw eight people on the other team and only four people left on my team and quite frankly in my judgment, not even great players.

I complained loudly about the size & make-up of our team and how unfair it was – when sweet Kaitlin, looked up at me and said: “We’re enough! We can do this!”

I literally felt like I’d been hit by a thunderbolt!

Rarely do I think of myself as being enough and I was shocked to hear those words from such a young person. I regularly second and third guess my thoughts and my work (and even this blog post.) But my smart, beautiful niece was declaring that indeed we were enough. WOW. I had the awareness in that moment to thank Kaitlin for her wisdom and invited her to remember that thought, always.

And then we continued with the game and won that round and, in fact, the game.

Words can’t convey how grateful I am to Kaitlin for causing me to deeply examine and shift my thoughts and actions every day since.

What if, just as Kaitlin stated, we’re enough. We CAN do this?

I’m challenging us both – you and me – to notice what is working around us. Notice how we and our team really ARE enough each day. Maybe we’ll have to readjust our judgments, allow for things to be done differently, and do our best with what we have right in front of us.

I promise to share updates with you about how I’m doing this year to work a little less frantically; say no a few more times. AND to be HAPPY with what I’ve accomplished.

I’m committed to changing my story this year. I hope you’ll join me.